The only good mosquito...

…is a dead one. Indeed, if one could only have a personal electric discharge system that was (of course) battery powered perhaps I would feel something of a different sort. They would never be pesky in the first place. You see the whole purpose of the thing would be to generate a small magnetic proximity field around the wearer which, whenever it was intruded upon by something of similar size and mass as a mosquito, would create a discharge of 7 electron volts of electricity zapping the little booger and consequentially splitting the oxygen molecules in the general area into O3 or ozone. Walaa – two problems solved at once –more ozone for our global warming conundrum and killing a mosquito becomes as effortless as taking a breath of air. However, as this device has (to my knowledge) yet to be created and successfully mass produced we must further bear the never ending humiliation of looking part epileptic and part masochistic as we whack ourselves wherever a mosquito may land…be it arm, leg, face, neck etc. And of course, after a few days of this treatment the body’s senses have become superhuman and heighten to the point that mere dust particulate landing on our skin triggers the circle of violence and a vicious swing from which ever hand happens to be closest to ground zero commences. Then, as we carefully peel our palm away to exam our kill ( there is simply nothing more satisfying than seeing the freshly smashed corpse of your would be devourer) we are washed away in great defeat as there is merely the sting from slapping ourselves staring back at us. Was it a mosquito or a piece of dust? Who knows – but someday I hope there is a Budweiser commercial saluting you “Mr Mosquito Lightening Discharge Man.”

Ah well enough of that – needless to say Tara has taken one for the team as the mosquitoes have unanimously concluded she’s the one they ought to dine upon .-. I have resorted to going shirtless and not putting on bug spray but to no avail…the only place they find desirable on me is my ankles.

We are in beautiful Tonsai and it is the same but different from my last visit. So much of the beach is closed or run down!! Many of the places I visited with my friend (Saras) last year are totally demolished. Our first few days here we spent reading and hanging out by the beach. There were some amazing rain storms. We are staying in Bamboo Bungalow’s for about 150 Baht (a bit less than $5) per night and they are quite nice. We spent the last two days bouldering and Tara’s first ventures onto the rock have been great. She’s a natural! I did have an absolutely terrifying experience with a male monkey. The darn things jump all over the island and often, in the middle of the night you’ll lurch awake b/c it sounds like Godzilla is crashing through your roof. This was only a matter of acclimation before it didn’t really bother us…well acclimation and ear plugs. Anyways, the monkey’s own the island…right, check and not a big deal to be one with nature. HOWEVER, one morning this crazy male monkey worked its way onto the tree that’s about 12 inches from the railing on our little front porch. The ladies that ran the place were not happy at all and had been chasing them while banging pots and pans. His arrival was very sudden as Tara and I were sitting on the porch reading, writing etc. Alarmed, I had her get everything inside and I picked up a chair and banged it against the post to make noise. As soon as I did that the monkey snarled and growled at me revealing a set of teeth befitting of Kujo. Bloody hell. Tara was inside looking from the doorway and I was 3 feet from King Kong’s evil mini-me. @!#$. Well what would you do? I’ll tell you what I did – I started swinging the chair at that furry SOB as hard as I could. He growled and bared his fangs some more but after two thrusts he was about 8 feet away. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OO OO AA AA ME WANT BANANNA MONKEY?!@ At range, I switched weapons – and I must note was thoroughly pissed. I started launching every coconut I could find. When I ran out of those I used rocks. I hit it square on with an apple sized rock and it finally started to run away. Well hell, I chased it for a good 300 yards throwing all manner of things, the ladies from before had armed me with a slingshot (which was more likely to ricochet the rock in my face.) and when it was finally far enough away I broke the chase. I’m sure the evil monkey’s from Family Guy will have a whole new meaning.

We will stay here for another week or two and we’ll be sure to update. I’m hoping to start climbing with ropes in a few days. We’ve met all manner of people and Tara and I are working on a our own secret language which is a variation of Pig Latin I learned as a kid. It’s a nice trick to have and quit confusing to people who are sure we are from California.

Jonathan and Tara